02.01.15 & 02.06.15

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When I woke up on Sunday morning, my first thought was « WHAT. THE. HELL. » I checked my phone and saw that he had sent me another text asking if I was doing better. I told him we needed to talk. He replied « Sure, tomorrow morning, face to face ».

I spent the day hungover, and only thinking about what had happened.

We had lunch together on Monday. I had never been that nervous before. When I got to his appartement, he tried to kiss me, but I kissed him on the cheek. « Oh.. » he said. Awkward. He had set the table and made us pastas. We started by talking about school and out of nowhere he said « So.. Saturday night.. ». I read to him a list of what I had to tell him I had made the previous day:

-why did you kiss me when I was so drunk you knew I couldn’t react?

-why didn’t you come upstairs when I asked you to?

-I’m sorry I threw up on you.

He then told me that he liked me and that I was « pretty, funny and smart » and that we should date without telling anyone but our best friends at first, to see how our relationship was evolving. I agreed. I was happy. Before arriving to school, we kissed.

As I arrived to class, everyone, absolutely everyone, was looking at me. And for the next 3 days, the only subject on everyone lips was him and I kissing. It felt like a bad teenager comedy. But it actually made me laugh, and I enjoyed lying to everyone about us not dating, way too much.

After school, we would wait until everyone left to go to a coffee shop, or to my appartement and we would have the best time. It lasted until the next friday. 4 days. We were in Spanish class when I realized I didn’t want to date him. It hit me hard. All of what had happened felt too weird to even think about it. I told myself that I would wait another week to see if my feelings would change.

But that Friday night, as I was having dinner with my friends they told me that he had told one of his friend « yeah, I think we might date soon », which I thought was funny, until they added « I mean, she’s not only pretty, but also sexy as fuck, and she lives 2 minutes away from school so it’s convenient for you know, between classes ». I almost cried.

On the next day, one week day to day after we first kissed, I told him I had to tell him something:

-I was told what you said

-Who do you trust the most? Him or me?

-But I have something else I have to tell you.. I think we made a mistake, trying to date ..

-What? But is it about what he said? Because it’s not true!

-No.. It’s not only about that!

-So what is it then?

-Well, I think I don’t feel the same as you do.. And I’m sorry to tell you this now, but I feel like it wouldn’t have been fair not telling you..

-But things were going great, how can you say that? How do you know your feelings are not going to change?

-I don’t know, I’m so sorry, but I’m just not feeling it..

-Are you being serious here??

-Hey, I’m so sorry, I really am, but I hope it’s not going to create any drama..

-It obviously is going to.

-I’m so sorry..

As much as I felt bad, I was beyond relieved too. It was over. Everything was over. Yes, he would be mad at me for a few days, but everything would go back to normal soon.

But I received a text from him a few hours later. « I just want to make sure you really thought  your decision through and that it’s not only about what you were told. » DIDN’T HE GET IT? I DIDN’T FREACKIN’ LIKE HIM AS SOMETHING ELSE THAN A FRIEND.

But he insisted. He would not stop texting me, asking for explanations. I eventually stopped answering.

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My trip to California

Hello! In the middle of August I left France to fly all the way to California for a 20 days trip with my father. brceq-poster_carte_du_monde_vintage_cavallini_Souvenirs_de_lyon_pentes_de_la_croix_rousse   We landed in Los Angeles at night and drove to the house our friends lent us, which was more than great! DSC_0069   We stayed four days in LA, here are a few pictures. DSC_0072   DSC_0092

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We then drove to Sequoias National Park and it was absolutely stunning, the trees were huge and we spent the day hiking.

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After that we continued driving to the north and got to Big Sur.

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This was our last stop before San Francisco which was great even though I didn’t really got to enjoy it as I was sick and the weather was really bad during our stay.

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After spending two days in SF we took a plane to Las Vegas! Unfortunately none of the pics I took turned out good as I left the flash on my camera. Silly me.. But I enjoyed Vegas wayyyy more than what I would have expected: my father had booked us a suite at the Bellagio and we spent the night outside, ate a lot and had fun watching the over 21s getting drunk!

After our night in Vegas we drove to Zion, Arches and Bryce Canyon’s national parks. And..wow! My dad had been warning me for weeks about the heat and luckily he was wrong, it was the perfect weather for us to walk around and enjoy the breath-taking landscapes.

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After spending another night in Vegas but at the Wynn Encore this time, we hit the road again to go to Palm Springs which we didn’t really visit because our hotel was too great no to enjoy all day.

As the end of our trip was coming we went back to the sea, in San Diego and then to Los Angeles where I was more than happy to shop, eat at Lemonade everyday and swim in the biggest waves I had ever seen in my life!

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I hope you enjoyed this pictures and don’t hesitate to ask me anything!

Héloise xx

I hoAfetWe

Free-Writing (NaBloPoMo #13)

When I’m writing I think in French at the same time. I wonder if one day, when I live in the US,  I’ll be thinking in English..

The timer is on, I still have nine minutes.

One of the worst feeling in the world is when you’re being told something somebody said about you behind your back.

The timer is on, I still have eight minutes.

It happened to me today. I didn’t do anything wrong. But people believe what they want to believe. When they’re going through a hard time, they could do anything to put the blame on someone else.

The timer is on, I still have six minutes.

I was watching a video from a youtuber who shaved her hair for charity. I don’t think you have to do something that important  for people to give to others. Well, nowadays you do, but you shouldn’t. We live in a world where Kim K’ ass is more important than wars.

The timer is on, I still have four minutes.

I just got a twitter notification. Who cares? I really want to sleep. This post is so bad.. Am I going to put it online?

The timer is on, I still have three minutes.

I miss my brother. He’s two, you know. In a few years I’m going to have to leave him. He’s the only thing that is really holding me back to France.

The timer is on, I only have one minute left.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my parents so so so so much, I don’t even have words. But I’ve been told my whole life that one day I’ll have to leave them. My brother is new to my life, why can’t I have more time with him?

The timer is on, I don’t have time anymore.

Oil, Meet Water (NaBloPoMo #11)

Today’s prompt was: “Of the people who are close to you, who is the person most unlike you?”

On the people who are close to me, the person must unlike me is myself.

I live with two persons in my body and I keep going back and forth between them.

One is always smiling, the other one keeps staring into to space.

One is happy with her friends, one wants to sleep forever.

One wants to do anything she could possibly imagine, the other one keeps holding her back.

One is someone people like for here kindness, one is someone people hate for her nastiness.

One is great, one is miserable.

One is happy,  one is depressed.

One is free, one is prisoner of anxiety.

Life is too short to.. (NaBloPoMo #10)

Life is too short to say no.

Suffering from panic attacks, I find myself saying no the the things I want to do the most by fear that’ll either freak out or be judged.

It sucks. I can’t count how many things I regret of not doing just because I was scared. But I say no anyways. The fear takes over and it doesn’t matter if I know I’ll regret it later. I can’t do it.

I regret not doing that huge ziplane that made you fly over Las Vegas, I regret not kissing that boy I liked just because I panicked when he got too close to me, I regret not dancing at every parties I go to because I’m afraid to be surrounded by too many people looking at me, I regret arriving late at school, on purpose, because I was too afraid to have a panic attack in the middle of the class.

I should say yes, because life is way to short for not doing what you really want to.

TMI Tag, Get To Know Me.

1: What are you wearing?: PacSun floral printed pants and H&M grey top.

2: Ever been in love? : I don’t think so.

3: Ever had a terrible breakup?: I’ve actually never had a boyfriend so nope.

4: How tall are you?: 1m67 (5’6″”)

5: How much do you weigh?: 47 kg (103 lbs)

6: Any tattoos?: No.

7: Any piercings?: Only my ears are pierced.

8: OTP?: Monchele (Lea Michele and Cory Monteith), Carrie Hope Fletcher and PetesJams, Zalfie (Zoe and Alfie) and I’m going to stop there because the list could go on forever.

9: Favorite Show?: Orange Is The New Black.

10: Favorite bands?: The Pretty Reckless and Jake Bugg (he’s not a band but he’s my favorite artist so..)

11: Something you miss?: Not being afraid of other people’s judgments

12: Favorite song: Out Of The Black by Royal Blood.

13: How old are you?: I’m 16 (and a half) (the half is important)

 14: Zodiac sign?: Taurus.

15: Quality you look for in a partner?: Sweet, funny, shy but not too much.

16: Favorite Quote?: Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

17: Favorite actor?: Ryan Gosling.

18: Favorite color?: Blue.

19: Loud music or soft?: Loud.

20: Where do you go when you’re sad: Take a bath.

21: How long does it take you to shower?: 5 minutes.

22: How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?: 30 minutes.

23: Ever been in a physical fight?: I’d clearly lose.

24: Turn on?: Being able to have a great conversation.

25: Turn off?: Bragging.

26: The reason I started blogging?: To have a little place to myself on the internet.

27: Fears?: For my plane to crash.

28: Last thing that made you cry?: My bike being stolen.

29: Last time you said you loved someone?: Yesterday, to my mom.

30: Meaning behind your blog’s name?: Drizzle is a reference to Glee, and I liked the sound of Drizzling Drizzle.

31: Last book you read?: Pirandello’s Six Personnageen Quête d’Auteur (Six Characters in Search of an Author)

32: The book you’re currently reading?: How To End Panic Attacks (whoop whoop).

33: Last show you watched?: Scandal.

34: Last person you talked to?: My mom.

35: The relationship between you and the person you last texted?: My best friend.

36: Favorite food?: Guacamole and foie gras.

37: Place you want to visit?: South Africa and Norway.

38: Last place you were?: School.

39: Do you have a crush?: Yeah baby!

40: Last time you kissed someone?: Never. Yeah sad, I know!

41: Last time you were insulted?: Probably yesterday by my friends (ironically).

42: Favourite flavour of sweet?: Lemon.

43: What instruments do you play?: I play the flute.

44: Favourite piece of jewelry?: I rarely wear jewelry, so I don’t have any.

45: Last sport you played?: Dancing salsa in PE.

46: Last song you sang?: Let’s Dance To Joy Division by The Wombats.

47: Favourite chat up line?: My name may not be Luna, but I sure know how to Lovegood!

48: Have you ever used it?: Dis mio! No, and I never would!

49: Last time you hung out with anyone?: Yesterday, after school!

50: Who should answer these questions next?: Everybody who reads this! (make sure to comment if you already or plan to do the TMI tag!)

Thank you, I hope you learned a little bit more about me and that you enjoyed it! xx

Let my friendship be. (NaBloPoMo #8)

Change is good, well, change is often good, you may not think at first, but it will be in the long run.

But life should have left my friendship untouched, life should not have let it come apart pieces by pieces. It should have always stay the same, you and I, on the same boat, always happy, or miserable, but only at the same time. School, friends, popularity, time, boys, they should not have come between us.

Little bits of our friendship comes back sometimes, but then vanish as fast as it came back. I feel like you don’t care, you may feel like I don’t care either, but pride touched our friendship, it shouldn’t have.

The other part of our lives that have always been there grew, and began to define ourselves, and we changed, we went into opposites directions. This change was vital for both of us, but why this change had to slowly break what we had?

What we had, this is what should’ve been untouched.

(this is day 8 of the November Writing Challenge)