When I woke up on Sunday morning, my first thought was « WHAT. THE. HELL. » I checked my phone and saw that he had sent me another text asking if I was doing better. I told him we needed to talk. He replied « Sure, tomorrow morning, face to face ».
I spent the day hungover, and only thinking about what had happened.
We had lunch together on Monday. I had never been that nervous before. When I got to his appartement, he tried to kiss me, but I kissed him on the cheek. « Oh.. » he said. Awkward. He had set the table and made us pastas. We started by talking about school and out of nowhere he said « So.. Saturday night.. ». I read to him a list of what I had to tell him I had made the previous day:
-why did you kiss me when I was so drunk you knew I couldn’t react?
-why didn’t you come upstairs when I asked you to?
-I’m sorry I threw up on you.
He then told me that he liked me and that I was « pretty, funny and smart » and that we should date without telling anyone but our best friends at first, to see how our relationship was evolving. I agreed. I was happy. Before arriving to school, we kissed.
As I arrived to class, everyone, absolutely everyone, was looking at me. And for the next 3 days, the only subject on everyone lips was him and I kissing. It felt like a bad teenager comedy. But it actually made me laugh, and I enjoyed lying to everyone about us not dating, way too much.
After school, we would wait until everyone left to go to a coffee shop, or to my appartement and we would have the best time. It lasted until the next friday. 4 days. We were in Spanish class when I realized I didn’t want to date him. It hit me hard. All of what had happened felt too weird to even think about it. I told myself that I would wait another week to see if my feelings would change.
But that Friday night, as I was having dinner with my friends they told me that he had told one of his friend « yeah, I think we might date soon », which I thought was funny, until they added « I mean, she’s not only pretty, but also sexy as fuck, and she lives 2 minutes away from school so it’s convenient for you know, between classes ». I almost cried.
On the next day, one week day to day after we first kissed, I told him I had to tell him something:
-I was told what you said
-Who do you trust the most? Him or me?
-But I have something else I have to tell you.. I think we made a mistake, trying to date ..
-What? But is it about what he said? Because it’s not true!
-No.. It’s not only about that!
-So what is it then?
-Well, I think I don’t feel the same as you do.. And I’m sorry to tell you this now, but I feel like it wouldn’t have been fair not telling you..
-But things were going great, how can you say that? How do you know your feelings are not going to change?
-I don’t know, I’m so sorry, but I’m just not feeling it..
-Are you being serious here??
-Hey, I’m so sorry, I really am, but I hope it’s not going to create any drama..
-It obviously is going to.
-I’m so sorry..
As much as I felt bad, I was beyond relieved too. It was over. Everything was over. Yes, he would be mad at me for a few days, but everything would go back to normal soon.
But I received a text from him a few hours later. « I just want to make sure you really thought your decision through and that it’s not only about what you were told. » DIDN’T HE GET IT? I DIDN’T FREACKIN’ LIKE HIM AS SOMETHING ELSE THAN A FRIEND.
But he insisted. He would not stop texting me, asking for explanations. I eventually stopped answering.